2013 In Pop Culture: A Review in One Liners

Robin Thicke is a douche bag, but given the chance I'd still probably blow him.

Miley Cyrus is not worth talking about.

It didn't change the world the way I was hoping it would, but Cher's album was brilliant and the best pop album of the year.

Hearing Bette Midler as Sue Mengers call Barbra Streisand a cunt was the greatest moment in live theatre of 2013.

My ears were so relieved Rihanna did not release a new album this year.

Lady Gaga officially sealed her fate as the new Cyndi Lauper.

Apparently Celine Dion is still popular.

Nothing was more devastating this year than "selfie" becoming a real word.

The new Goldfrapp and Pet Shop Boys albums were the only other albums worth getting besides Cher's.

Anna Wintour became even more powerful this year as she became artistic director for Condé Nast--all hope of Vogue becoming relevant again has been lost.

Madonna proved she has lost all touch with reality as she tried to change the world through art with something called "Secret Project" that nobody cared about.

Beyonce is an incredible business woman and I respect how she's maintained her dignity despite her enormous fame... she has not turned her private life into a spectacle for the sake of entertainment, which is so rare these days, but I will never understand how anyone can listen to her sing for more than 10 minutes straight without getting a migraine.

Instagram has taken the concept of "keeping up with the Jones'" and consumer greed to a whole new, horrifying level... we are living in dark, mediocre and superficial times.

I sincerely hope in 2014 people put down their smart phones, wake the fuck up and get reconnected with reality... I know, I'm a dreamer.